"You have not because you ask not."

We are asking God to teach us how to pray in line with his desires. Does God desire for John to live a full life and raise his children to maturity? Absolutely. We are learning to ask for what we do not have... health... and wait for God's response. One of our desires in this process has been to learn to pray for physical healing. I have asked the Lord to bring to our door any particular resources that would help us including books, tapes, prayer warriors, etc. I am delighted by how many wonderful resources have come our way. Two in particular have shaped my prayers lately. The first is a book called Father Arseny that was given to John by a wonderful Orthodox priest from Michigan. Father Arseny was a priest in Russia during Stalin's rule. He was put into a "special" labor camp that was designed to kill its prisoners over time. This type of camp differed from a Nazi Concentration Camp in that they were not outright murdered there, but the conditions of work, sleep deprivation and hunger made it such that very few ever finished their sentence and were released. The conditions in this camp were horrible. Not only were they subject to hunger, freezing, painful work and humiliating abuse from authorities, the men within the barracks often killed one another over food or clothing. This painful story of a godly man amidst suffering has shaken John and me each night as we read it aloud. (I must admit that the first time John brought out Father Arseny on one of our retreat nights I couldn't believe it. A retreat night filled with stories of suffering from the Gulag? Surely you jest. I thank John now for his initiative, as I have been changed by the witness of Father Arseny. Not the least of which is the reminder that our suffering with cancer is a DROP IN THE BUCKET to the suffering in this world.)


Father Arseny has become a spiritual director of sorts for me. When I saw how he responded to tremendous suffering in love and how his prayers changed the people and circumstances of his barracks, I thought, "I am going to model my walk through suffering after Fr Arseny. Whatever he does, I am going to do." Here is an example that shaped my prayers for John. One night a fight broke out in the barracks in which men were being mortally wounded. The unspoken rule of the camp was never intervene. Anyone who tried to stop a beating would be killed. The men stood watching a brutal scene. Father Arseny pleaded with one of the pack leaders of the "criminals" asking him to stop the fight. He said, "Can't your God stop this fight? I will do nothing." Father Arseny, always in prayer, paused a moment, raised his hands over his head and stepping into the fight said, "In the Name of God I order you to stop this." And then he whispered, "Now tend the wounded." The fight came to an immediate hault. Men dragged out the dead bodies and helped the wounded to their bunks. The criminal leader said later to Fr Arseny, "I am beginning to believe there is a God."


From this story I took a prayer that I use every night for John. John's body is being attacked by a disease. I can feel the heat of it working just beneath the skin on many parts of his body. Now part of my prayer each night is always one with raised hands saying, "In the Name of God I order you to stop attacking John's body." This part of following Fr Arseny has been easier for me than the continuous love and selfless help he offered to those around him. (I'll write more on this confession later.)


Just briefly I will tell about the second prayer resource that I have begun to use. I mentioned in my previous entry about the retreat we had at St. Mary's. There we received prayer from Father Brad. Our hearts were deeply encouraged by his faith in God's willingness and ability to heal John. He began with simple things like, "You need to look into eating highly oxygenated foods." and "Make sure John reads the healing stories of Jesus everyday and keeps them in the front of his mind." We loved that. When he went to pray for John, he anointed him, began an intercessory prayer language and then said, "Cancer cells I curse you. I curse you and send you away from John's body. Immune system, I speak life, health and strength to you." I am sure there were many other prayers, but those are the ones that stuck with me. Fr Brad prayed with an authority like that referenced by Jesus in Luke 10: 19, "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." I have added these prayers as well. I am embracing a growing feeling of being a fool in faith. There is no earthly reason for hope or faith, and yet we continue to grow and change through Christ's love and mercy to us.


Lord, we need health and so we humbly ask that You would provide our needs.