Friday evenings are a special gift. My parents take our children overnight. We enjoy an evening together and a cozy, long sleep on Saturday morning. Because of the level of fatigue John experiences daily, Saturday mornings have become a greatly anticipated time of connection and prayer for us. We have our longest talk of the week without a mid-sentence doze or a child running in for attention. Last night we went to an old favorite Chinese restaurant in Lisle. (John was actually introduced to this restaurant by an old girlfriend!) We enjoyed our favorite dish which is orange roughy fried with a salt and pepper batter. It comes with sliced sauteed green onions and jalapenos! Its a taste bud wake-up call! John ate several servings of everything and he seemed to enjoy it. I was thrilled because he hasn't eaten much at all lately. He has lost around 20 pounds and feels nauseous a lot of the time.
After John took his evening shower, he stood on a stool to change a light bulb. He felt a sudden pain in his right side. I was downstairs writing last night's blog. He couldn't call to me for several minutes because the pain was so severe. He could only whisper. As I watched him struggling in pain later that night, it reminded me of being in labor. He was panting in pain, frantic to find a space in which to lie where the pain would not be as sharp. My heart went out to him and there was nothing I could do to relieve the pain. In time the pain eased and he was able to find a position in which he could sleep.
John wonders if eating too much food caused a problem with an internal tumor. Perhaps it was pressing against his lung or something. I am inclined to think he cracked a rib. The ribs on his right side are compromised from tumor growth and the sharp pain with shortness of breath make a broken rib a likely explanation. We will see Dr. Hantel on Tuesday for the final word.
One thing I have always admired about John is his openness to being instructed by the Lord through difficulty. Many of us might count ourselves with Job's wife who said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" But instead of pounding his fists at God, John asks, "What are You trying to teach me, Lord? Help me to learn." At the moment of the sharp pain, John sensed a word spoken to his heart from God. All I heard John saying was, "I get it Lord. I see. Now I know. I get it." John told me later that the Lord had revealed to him a broken relationship that he needed to work to repair through forgiveness.
Psalm 103: 1-5
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
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4 comments:
Dear Margie (and John),
We are praying constantly for John's healing and for your entire family. We have been blessed beyond measure by the wisdom and grace that you both share with us in your blogs. I am often moved to tears, as I was today, reading about John's latest suffering. We have just found out we are expecting our 4th baby and I was having a very hard time rejoicing in the constant nausea (excited about the baby, of course, but not about the pregnancy this time). It just hit me that how selfish I have been, and I how I want to allow God to use this nausea in my life, not only to grow me, but every time I feel it I want to remember John in prayer (connected through our nausea, I guess!). I want to be strengthened in intercession--please help me Jesus!
How it saddens me that I am suffering through nausea to bring forth life, and John's nausea is trying to bring death--but thanks be to God for the words we just proclaimed in the eucharist this morning:
"Dying you destroyed our death,
rising you restored our life.
Lord Jesus, come in glory."
Blessings on you, dear ones loved by God.
Love,
Sarah Hoskins, for the 5 of us
Your writings are gold, dear Margie. I know God will bless many through your sharing. Still praying.
So sorry to hear this story. But also so thankful to hear of the Saturday mornings you two are spending together.
What a testimony of how God uses it all.
Praying...
Jeanne (and all--the kids ALL pray for John daily!)
Good Morning, Margie and John,
The distance between us seems to close on this special day of intercession for you and the little ones. The kids and I are praying a phrase of the Our Father at the top of each hour, and holding the images evoked by each phrase in our hearts while the Lord pours faith into us to ask anything on your behalf. I'll spare you the hour-by hour for the present, but our first prayer for the day, is that you would see the face of the Father as you awaken. John--perhaps you remember Pannenberg's comment at the lecture you and Mario attended together--(Marios's q--)"How do we experience the life of the Trinity?" (Pannenberg's answer-- "By praying the Our Father. . ."
Much love from us all,
Nancy
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