Sore Muscles

The kids and I have spent the last two days outside planting seeds. We have three flats of seeds going on the top of our frig. Supposedly the warmth on the frig helps seeds germinate. We are all looking forward to seeing tiny new sprouts of life emerge from the soil. (If my camera were working I would have included a photo.)

In many ways John is doing well. His body is stronger and more energetic. By this I mean he wants to go on a walk everyday. He walks soooooooooo slowly and dresses in a parka in 60 degree weather, but we are celebrating. As John walked out the door for a walk today, Charlotte said, "Poor Daddy, he looks like a beggar." I'm not sure what she thinks a beggar looks like, but she could see his "poor" state.

And, thanks be to God, John's lucidity has returned. It is wonderful to look into his eyes and see that he is in there. He has done some reading, checked email and talked on the phone. After dinner he was on the floor with the kids helping to dig a rubber ball out of the vent. (I won't mention how it got there in the first place... you remember we have a toddler.)

With all of these good things happening, John is talking more about pain. He tells me he has more pain now than he has ever had. I know he has had more radically extreme pain, like when his spine had a tumor, but perhaps its more painful all over. Getting John to talk about pain is a real trick. You may remember an earlier post when I said I could tell if a health care provider was a patient person by watching their response to this situation.

In doctor's office:
Dr: So, John, how would you rate your pain? Mild, moderate or severe?
John: Well, I'd say............. 20 minutes of verbal processing ....... moderate.

In the hospital:
Nurse: Mr. Fawcett, how would you rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10?
John: I'm not in pain.
Nurse: Then why are we giving you this narcotic?
Me: John, you just rang the nurse and said you were in pain.
Nurse: On a scale of 1 to 10, where is your pain?
John: Well, ....... 5 minutes of talking, hemming hawing........
Nurse: Last time I gave you pain medication, you said your pain was about a 4. Is your pain better or worse now?
John: Hmmm, uh, well...
Nurse: Can you give me a number?
John: 8.
Me: 8??? You just said, "I'm not in pain."

Throughout this process I have learned that John rarely uses the word "pain." He says, "tired" or something like that. So the fact that he is asking when the next dose of pain medication is due and constantly talking about pain, I know he is in pain.

John told me today that he is, "very close to dying." It seems that when he is in a lot of pain he talks more about death. I am not walking around waiting for him to take his last breath, but the fact that we have coughs in the house again does make me nervous. Four weeks ago when the kids got colds, John ended up in the hospital. Throughout his recovery from that pneumonia, John has processed a lot about how low he got during that time. He didn't realize how close he came to death until the crisis had past. Please pray that John will not get a serious infection from this round of colds.

As John prayed at breakfast, "Lord, if you are not going to heal my body this side of heaven, please prepare this family for what is ahead. But again we ask in your mercy for complete healing and the restoration of my life." Amen.