We All Scream for Ice Cream

My health food crazy husband has become a Dilly Bar fanatic. What is a Dilly Bar, you may ask? It is a Dairy Queen treat... artificially flavored vanilla ice cream on a stick dipped in a chocolate flavored shell. Yesterday John ate three Dilly Bars. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if he eats Dilly Bars. I'm thrilled he's eating anything. Its just totally out of character.

This is what I found in the frig on Monday morning. A Dilly Bar with a post-it note that said, "John's for .... (something illegible followed by a smiley face)." Not only is he eating Dilly Bars, he is securing them for future consumption. He sent our friend Kyler on an outing to get two boxes of Dilly Bars. He said, "Kyler can get us a few boxes of Dilly Bars and then he can have one for all he's done for us."

Wednesday John ate a Dilly Bar for breakfast at 6am with a bowl of fruit. Perhaps there is some healing balm within the Dilly Bar that has yet to be discovered by the FDA.

Maybe it is the Dilly Bar that has prolonged his life beyond what the doctor thought possible. I do know that Dilly Bars have brought him moments of pure delight. In the midst of days filled with physical pain, a simple pleasure is a blessing.

There are so many things I would like to share, but finding a moment to write is becoming more difficult. John's sense of well-being is intimately related to a secure connection with me. While I have friends coming to be with John, it is often only my presence that will help him resolve a confusion or question.

Our evenings, nights and early mornings are peppered with long, confused conversations about medications, seizures and death. The hospice nurse told me today that this kind of nighttime rumination and activity is very common. We are working on finding the right medication to help with this, but she suggested we have friends spend the night a few times a week so that I can sleep. My ability to manage stress and stay healthy are running thin as the sleep is running low.

Tonight is the first night we have a friend spending the night in the bedroom with John so I must take advantage of it and get to bed upstairs.