Happy Birthday John

We made it through another birthday. John would have turned 47 on October 21st. Its was a painful day for all of us. I took the kids to the cemetery to put up a cross. This is the first thing there to mark the grave, as the headstone has not yet come. We put the cross into the ground and looked at the grave. We sang Happy Birthday to Daddy.



The kids ran around and climbed trees. I sobbed and sobbed. I was glad I had made plans to be with John's sister Katherine and a few other friends for dinner. We all shared how we have been doing and had a wonderful time laughing and crying. There is no way to express the loss of a person. Each of us are irreplaceable and the loss of a loved soul is excruciating.




About a year ago I gave a teaching on difficulties in marriage for our Mom's group. If you are interested in hearing it, the post is labelled audio available in the right sidebar. Many friends asked me how I was able to put together a teaching in the midst of this difficulty. I don't know how I answered that question then, but the teaching came easily and with joy. Writing and giving talks is part of what makes my heart sing, so even though the topic was difficult, it brought me joy. I bring this up to say that I think the time for me close this blog is approaching. It is very difficult for me to keep up with writing right now. When John was sick, I would get the kids in bed by 8pm, John settled in by 10pm and then I would write for several hours. I no longer have that kind of stamina, nor do I have the grace to process this experience for anyone but myself. I trust completely in the Lord that "unless a seed falls to the ground and dies it cannot give new life." I do not know what new life will come as a result of putting this blog to rest, but I trust that seasons of writing and sharing are ahead for me.


I am not going to end the blog just yet, but wanted you to know its coming. There is one more thing I need to do before I say good-bye. I must write out the last week of John's life. I need to do it for my own healing and I want to fill in the gaps for all of you that followed along. I do not know when I am going to get to this, but I loosely have a goal of completing it by the end of the year.

I may start a new, simpler blog that would have pictures of the kids and a bit of family life. We'll see. I'm not making any promises.


About a year ago I posted that I found out how to make The Fruitful Vine into a book. When I said, "book" I meant "scrapbook." I have no intentions of publishing this material, simply printing it in hardcover as a keepsake for the kids. If I were writing as if this would be published, I'm not sure I would have had the freedom I have enjoyed here.

In honor of John's birthday, I have included two pieces of music from the communion at our wedding. John was doing what he loved most- leading worship. You can hear his strong, joyful voice singing as well as his skillful piano playing. I hope this music will fill you with joy and hope.



Photo by David Wittig

Even now John is with all the company of heaven singing Holy, Holy, Holy. Amen.

Click to hear John playing "I Just Want to Thank You, Lord" at his/our wedding.

Musicians from Church of the Resurrection on these recordings:

Piano and Voice John Fawcett
Guitar and Voice Ty Warner and Randy York
Vocals Nancy Bergner, Mark McIntyre, Linda Trelease
Saxophone Ian Nevins
Bass Jonathan Fugate
Violin Mike Sethi
Drums Rich Trelease

Click to hear John playing "The Lord Almighty Reigns" at his/our wedding.